Saved from Suicide

Suicide. In Christian and worldly realms it carries a stigma. A picture of damaged goods is painted. Every brush stroke ingrained with ideas and thoughts, interpretations and opinions. An ugly portrait of falsehoods and deception is the end product. We hand our brush over to another artist and a different picture comes to life. A false representation of our story, our testimony. A gripping fear hinders us from painting our own picture, God’s masterpiece. We must take the brush back.

We hear magnificent testimonies of lives saved from drug abuse, sexual immorality, and alcoholism. The mere whisper of mental bondage is seen as too much information. That’s personal, we shouldn’t discuss these things. It is taboo. That is our Goliath to slay. There will be no Davids coming to your rescue. Mental illness, depression and suicide have no room in our Christian circles. Those are personal struggles, fake it until you make it. Dear friends, there lies the problem.

I don’t know about y’all but in my 24 years of basking in God’s saving grace, I have never heard an in person testimony of someone saved from suicide. Now, I have heard many theories from people about suicide. They go something like this.

  • People that commit suicide are selfish
  • Suicidal thoughts indicate that you are crazy
  • Suicidal people are unstable and will hurt others
  • If you commit suicide you go to Hell

I am not here to debate these statements, just to merely point out the mentality and stigma attached to suicide. It can appear that having a testimony about deliverance from a common vice is acceptable. A nod of approval from our pews is given when someone shares their broken chain links from a behavior we are familiar with. A whisper of suicide and you are marked for life, that thought in the back of someone’s mind when they see you. A permanent scarlet S. 

I want to share some common myths with you as found on World Health Organization’s website.

Myth: Once someone is suicidal he or she will always remain suicidal. 

Fact: Heightened suicide risk is often short-term and situation specific. While suicidal thoughts may return they are not permanent and an individual with previous suicidal thoughts and attempts can go on to live a long life.

Myth: Only people with mental disorders are suicidal. 

Fact: Suicidal behavior indicates deep unhappiness but not necessarily a mental disorder. Many people living with mental disorders are not affected by suicidal behavior and not all people who take their own lives have a mental disorder.

Myth: People who talk about suicide do not mean to do it.

Fact: People who talk about suicide may be reaching out for help or support. A significant amount of people contemplating suicide are experiencing anxiety, depression and hopelessness and may feel that there is no other option.

Now friends, I wrote all that to share this poem. We must break the stigma. God has to be praised and glory given for all things.

My wound is healed, scar shines, still alive

A life almost finished too quick, He said not yet

Pushed to the brink, I couldn’t survive

So many expectations, all are unmet

Dark roads traveled, I lost my Guide

It was too hard, I walked the wrong way

Lost, disturbed, hurt, my heart died

Edging closer to a choice, a voice whispered “Stay”

No, I don’t belong, I can’t do this any more

My decision made, the method chosen

The enemy smiled, he knew what was in store

No one will notice, no one will care, hands are frozen

A distant sound, out of the darkness, I hear

This is not why I made you, you are meant for so much

The accuser is lying, please let Me be clear

I fashioned you with love, tenderness and such

You can’t go now, one day you will see

I know it is hard, some days you can’t breathe

I am here, I never went away, come with Me

Following Him, I realize the falsehoods and seethe

Tricked, deceived, shattered, the enemy will not win

Heart is pounding, blood is flowing, thoughts are steady

My Rescuer is here, all is well, He knows how hard its been

It will take time, wounds don’t heal quickly, only when ready

A healing touch from the Master will show

The world that life is precious and He creates beauty

Too many don’t realize this before they go

The Lord saved me, I must tell others, now it’s my duty

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

 

I have looked at this poem for a month now, too frightened to publish it. For me it is raw, unfiltered. A small glimpse into a horrible past that is just that, the past. We can learn from the past and not invite it into our future. I always thought of myself as not having much of a testimony. Saved at a young age, church kid, always did what I was told. Then I realized all of the emotional bondage I was under. A dear friend shared with me that sometimes that is the hardest testimony to have because no one can see it. In the ways that you see alcohol abuse or sexual immorality, sometimes emotional bondage has no outer signs. No one knows. It can be just as hard to share a testimony that is unseen. Satan will trick you into thinking it is nothing special, which in turn robs God of His glory. Your testimony matters because you matter to the Father.

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26 thoughts on “Saved from Suicide

  1. You’re right Kelly, the deepest wounds are the one’s that we hid the most. I don’t have a pat answer other than understanding that we’re all basically the same and no one is immune. Most of all, to give someone in need something to hold onto, it has to be more than words, demonstrated love via a hug or time or what ever is needed to show them that they are not alone and not looked down on. We need to be able to touch them like God touched us and that’s deep inside. Thank you for posting this. Grace and blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely agree Bruce. There are so many hurting people out there. I pray often that God will put people in my path so they can see the blessed hope that resides within. Words help but actions speak loud. Thank you my friend for your kind and encouraging words 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  3. I am so glad that you posted this, because from reading your poem, once again I believe that why no one ever speaks about mental illness is the greatest way that Satan is deceiving all of us. The one thing that everyone needs to speak of is the one thing that we all keep silent about.

    I am no professional and I often hear from those in the field that this is a medical issue and they may be right. But I think a big part of mental illness is also like a “battle in the mind,” a battle between God and the enemy. This is what I always say to others, and here again in your poem you had the Holy Spirit speaking words of encouragement to you, and you had the enemy trying to pull you down.

    I would never ever discourage anyone from seeking medical help, but I think we cannot discount that it could also be a spiritual battle. With it so close for the time for our Lord to come once again, I do believe this battle is increasing and that is why we are seeing so many with “mental health” issues. The enemy is very busy and very clever. The things we should not be doing, he makes us feel that they are ok to do, and he’s deceiving so many people is so many different ways….Sorry for such a long comment….it’s almost like a post.😂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank-you Leola for your thoughtful insight. I love long comments 🙂 I can glean so much from a comment with so much wisdom. I completely agree that it is not just a physical, mental battle but also a spiritual, mental battle. Satan uses deception to plunge us down into the depths and make us feel so far away from our Father. He plays on our emotions and tricks us into thinking the Lord has left us.
      As painful as it can be to bring some personal struggles to light, I feel that it must surface so others can see what God can and will do. I am a living, walking testimony of His mercy and grace. It is always my hope that although it is difficult to share, that someone will be encouraged and not give up and be pulled from the depths, out of Satan’s grasp. Thank-you again my sweet friend for your wonderful words. God bless ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Kelly, you are most welcome.
        You are a walking testimony to the Greatness of God and to what He can do in our lives. Some times I think He allows us to go through certain things in our lives so that others my be helped and ultimately saved for His kingdom.
        I think that we try so many different ways to help ourselves each and every day, but many of us forget about being help Spiritually. We can help ourselves physically but getting our exercise and by maintaining a healthy diet, medically which is also good, but we also need that Spiritual food. Take care and have a blessed day.

        Liked by 1 person

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